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  Achieve – Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, and How to Make It Happen

  Copyright © 2016 Chris Friesen, Ph.D.

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording means or otherwise without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  DISCLAIMER

  The information in this book is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be taken as expert instructions or commands. It should not be treated as advice or substitute for seeking help from an appropriately trained health or mental health professional or expert. While all attempts have been made to verify the information provided in this book at the time of writing, the author and publisher do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretations of the subject matter herein. The author and publisher therefore disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or other cause. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, national, federal, local, professional licencing, business practices, educational advertising, and all other aspects of doing business under any jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the purchaser or the reader. Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability whatsoever on behalf of the purchaser or reader of these materials.

  Any perceived slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional. Names and details of the persons presented in the book have been changed to protect their privacy. The people and events described and depicted in this book are for educational purposes only. If advice concerning health or related matters is needed, the services of a qualified professional should be sought. The examples within this book are not intended to represent or guarantee that everyone or anyone will achieve their desired results. Each individual’s success will be determined by his or her desire, dedication, effort and motivation.

  First Edition

  ISBN-10 - 0-9951714-1-6

  ISBN-13 - 978-0-9951714-1-1

  Cover Design: Sumit Shringi

  Interior Design: Heidi Sutherlin

  Editor: Douglas Williams

  Published by Five Factor Press

  Bulk Purchases, Speaking, & Consulting

  For information on discounts for bulk purchases, to invite Dr. Friesen to speak at your next event, or to work one-on-one with Dr. Friesen, visit FriesenPerformance.com or send an email to [email protected]

  ACHIEVE

  Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, And How To Make It Happen

  Are you unsure of your life’s purpose?

  Are you afraid you’re living below your true potential?

  Do you have trouble staying motivated and focused on your goals?

  If you answered yes to any of the above, this book is for you.

  Dr. Friesen pulls from his work with high achievers, his own personal experiences, and his vast knowledge and experience in the field of psychology to build you a roadmap to elite achievement.

  This scientifically packed and highly practical book is going to show you, step-by-step, what you need to do to make sure you’re working effectively toward the dreams and goals that are right for you. Whether you’re an elite athlete, entrepreneur, executive, professional, writer, or high achiever of any type, this book is for you.

  ACHIEVE will help you:

  Learn how your unique personality is the foundation for your success.

  Quickly find out what’s really important to you.

  Unleash unique strengths and passions that will be key to your success.

  Unveil the mission and purpose that will propel you forward.

  Learn how to set, and finally achieve, the right goals for you.

  Are you ready to take your life to the next level? If so, let’s do this!

  Dr. Chris Friesen, Ph.D. has always been fascinated by what makes people successful. He helps professional, national/Olympic, and up-and-coming elite athletes, as well as other high achievers such as professionals, entrepreneurs, executives, academics, and writers, achieve their personal and professional potential. He is currently director of Friesen Sport & Performance Psychology. To follow him or to find out more, visit FriesenPerformance.com.

  Your Free Gift

  Thank you for choosing ACHIEVE: Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, And How To Make It Happen. As a thank you for your interest in this book, I’m offering a free bonus infographic on What Differentiates Truly Successful People from the Rest and the ACHIEVE Framework. Head to FriesenPerformance.com/Achieve-Free-Gift to download it now!

  Contents

  INTRODUCTION: What’s in This for You?

  STEP 1: KNOW YOURSELF

  Chapter 1: Taking Stock of Who You Are

  Chapter 2: Know Your Core Personality Tendencies

  Chapter 3: The 5 Basic Personality Tendencies

  Chapter 4: Susceptibility to Negative Emotions & Stress

  Chapter 5: Extraversion/External Stimulation Tolerance

  Chapter 6: Openness to Change/New Experiences

  Chapter 7: Agreeableness

  Chapter 8: Motivation/Self-Control

  Chapter 9: Step 1: Know Yourself - Conclusion

  STEP 2: KNOW YOUR VALUES

  Chapter 10: Know How You Want to Live Your Life

  STEP 3: KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS

  Chapter 11: Know Your Talents, Skills & Interests

  STEP 4: KNOW YOUR ‘WHY’

  Chapter 12: Know Your Purpose or Mission

  STEP 5: KNOW YOUR GOALS

  Chapter 13: Choose Goals that Are Right for You

  STEP 6: MAKING IT HAPPEN!

  Chapter 14 How to Walk the Path to Success

  CONCLUSION

  Introduction

  What’s in This for You?

  I’m just going to put it out there — I bet, like most people, you’re performing below your potential. If you’re like me, you probably have goals and aspirations you would do almost anything to achieve. I believe in having no regrets and leaving no stone unturned.

  Imagine this: Your goal is to make your country’s Olympic team. This is your dream. You’re getting “old” and this is the last year you’ll be able to compete. You wake up on the day of the Olympic trials and look at yourself in the mirror. Do you want to be able to honestly say to yourself that you’ve done everything in your power to get yourself ready for this moment?

  Your response to this question will predict whether you are or aren’t going to perform to your full potential.

  Or maybe your dream is to get into the top medical school or take your start-up business to the next level. Whatever the dream, the principles are the same. You only get one shot at this life, so make the best of it. No regrets.

  Before we go any further, I want to ask you some serious questions. Take a moment to answer these as honestly as possible. Have you:

  Felt different from others, but were not quite sure why?

  Felt unsure of your purpose in this life?

  Wondered whether you were focusing on the right goals in your life?

  Felt certain paths you took, or decisions you made, just didn’t seem to fit?

  Wondered whether your chosen career path was right for you?

  Felt you were just going through the motions in your life?

  Had trouble staying motivated and focused on a big goal?

  Established your big goals, but couldn’t seem to stay motivated long enough to make them a reality?

  Felt unsure of yourself and in
your ability to accomplish your goals?

  Most people say yes to many of the questions above. If you said yes to any of them, you’re reading the right book at the right time. My goal is to help you find some answers.

  This book is going to show you, step-by-step, what you need to do to make sure you are working effectively toward the dreams and goals that are right for you. We’ll cover the WHY, WHAT, and HOW of setting and achieving the right goals.

  Many books assume you know what you want and get right to what you need to do. This book spends a lot of time on helping you really get to know yourself first. This is essential if you want to make sure you focus on the right things. It’s a mistake to focus on goals without doing the hard work of really getting to know who and what you are.

  The key to success is to know your WHY — your purpose or mission. And to really find out what your purpose or mission is, you need to know your core personality and what you truly value. Only then can you try to discover how you can use your strengths, interests, passions, talents, and skills to work toward your purpose or mission.

  Once you know your purpose and mission, then you can choose goals that truly are meaningful to you and then work toward them. This book ends with detailed strategies to make sure you can stick with your goals on a day-to-day basis. This entire process is the key to your ultimate success and happiness.

  How This Book Series is Different

  This is the first book in The High Achievement Handbook series. Through publishing this series, my aim is to ensure that you’re doing the right things to live up to your true potential.

  In today’s day and age, we seem to have less time than ever before. There is an unbelievable amount of useful knowledge coming out of the fields of psychology, physiology, neuroscience, and others. It’s not easy to sift through it all and figure out what’s useful and what isn’t. My goal is to do this for you. I want to break through the clutter and confusion and bring clarity to what you should be doing in order to reach your potential. For those of you willing to harness this knowledge, the sky is the limit.

  So what will this book do? Using what I believe are the three best sources of knowledge — science, personal experience, and results — it will give you what you need to know, why you need to know it, and how to start doing it and reap the benefits of reaching your potential. It will do so in a series of straightforward and logical steps.

  First and foremost, the steps and strategies in this book series are based on scientific research. There are a lot of books and programs out there filled with things that have no scientific backing or have actually been shown to be ineffective when tested.

  One example is positive affirmations. Telling yourself you’re awesome or that you’ll be successful is a staple of many self-help books. Recent research by Dr. Joanne Wood1 has shown that, while repeating positive affirmations may be mildly beneficial for people who already have high self-esteem, it has the opposite effect for those whose self-esteem is not so high. When those with lower self-esteem practiced positive self-statements, their moods actually worsened. On the other hand, when those with low self-esteem were allowed to think negative thoughts, their moods improved!

  Second, the steps and strategies in this book series were chosen because I currently use them or have used them myself in the past. It’s one thing for me to read about something in a scientific journal or in a self-help book, but quite another to try it out on myself. I personally need to not only see something to believe it, I also have to experience it myself to truly believe it.

  Last, I’ve only included steps and strategies that I’ve seen work on others in my own clinical work and in my consulting with high achievers.

  While this book will lay out the path to achieving great things with your life, the path is not necessarily easy or simple. Too many self-help books or online magazines try to make things so easy with titles like “5 Simple Steps to Achieve Any Goal Without Breaking a Sweat!” If it were that simple and easy, you wouldn’t be reading this book. So if you’re tired of the quick-fixes and ready to do the work to finally take your game and life to the next level, you’re in the right place.

  Who is This Guy?

  So who am I to give you advice on how to reach your potential? Good question. Like you, I’m just a guy who wanted to reach his potential and do something he loved to do. I have no special talents or intellectual superpowers. What I have done is taken what I’ve learned so far in my life personally, as a psychologist, and from what has helped others and applied it to myself and my clients. I’ve learned to harness the power of my personality, values, interests, strengths, and weaknesses. By doing this, I have figured out my current purpose and mission in life. I then applied what I learned about setting and achieving goals in my life. I will share these strategies with you in this book.

  I’m definitely not perfect and must continue to work to reach my full potential. That’s a lifelong quest that never ends — a process, not an outcome. At the same time, because science and experience are constantly evolving, I know even better strategies and techniques will emerge in the future. This book series describes the best of what we know today.

  Like many, I struggled with low self-esteem and anxiety, especially in my early teens. As a teen, I also underperformed in school. My grades were terrible. I’ll never forget the day in eighth grade when I was one of two students forced to tour the basic-level high school primarily reserved for delinquents. This was one of the roughest schools in the city, with gang fights and rampant drug dealing. I clearly remember the sheer terror I felt on the tour of that school.

  This incident served as my own Scared Straight experience and motivated me to pull up my marks for the last semester, ultimately allowing me to enter the same high school as my friends. And thank goodness for that! In the process of writing this book, I unearthed a number of news stories from the time when I would have attended that school detailing gang attacks, stabbings, and even the shooting of the school guidance counselor and assistant principal by a student. (Thankfully, they survived!). The school was closed at the end of that year.

  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a delinquent. It was just that my grades were terrible, and that was the school you went to when you were getting grades in the 50s and 60s. Although this motivated me to do what I had to do to get by, it didn’t unleash the motivation to perform at my highest potential. This, of course, makes sense to me now. I had only half the motivation equation covered — fear. What I didn’t have covered was a real passionate reason to do my best in school. So my grades continued to flounder until my final year of high school.

  During my early teens, my passion was instead fueled by playing hockey as a goaltender. I started playing at age 12, which by Canadian standards is late in life. Despite struggling academically and having problems with low self-esteem and anxiety, especially in academic contexts, I found both my comfort and passion in hockey. I started to build what psychologists call self-efficacy — a belief in my ability to accomplish something. I had a very low sense of self-efficacy before hockey entered my life. I soon realized that, if I put my mind to it, I could excel in hockey.

  I started to read self-help books like Tony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power2. I also read what may well be the best self-help book ever written, Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People3. These books were major eye-openers for me. I had no idea how much control I could have in my life if I really put my mind to it and I’ve been fascinated by human potential ever since.

  And it started paying off. Suddenly, I went from being the worst goalie in the local house league to the best. The next year, I made the all-star team. The year after that, I skipped a skill level and earned a position on the team that had won the league championship the year before. The more I applied my passion and discipline and what I was learning from self-help books, the more I improved.

  Still, in reality, I remained on the verge of flunking out of school. I was much more interested
in sports than reading Shakespeare. I finally made the top level in hockey for my age group and I would have been eligible to be drafted into the Canadian Hockey League. But I was cut from the team after playing only one game. My new team’s former goalie had been cut from the CHL and my new team wanted him back. At this level, it was all about winning, so my new team let me go.

  This was a painful experience for a 16-year-old kid, but it quickly hit me. If I didn’t take control of my life, life was going to take control of me. I came to the painful realization that a career as a professional hockey player was not in the cards for me.

  I also realized how much I loved learning and reading about psychology, exercise physiology, nutrition, and self-help, and passing along what I learned to anyone who would listen. I realized I wanted a career related to this passion, and so it was time for me to do something about this.

  I figured I might be able to take what I had learned from sports and self-help books and apply it to my studies, despite my original lack of belief in my abilities as a student. Amazingly, it worked out enough to get me accepted into university so I could achieve my goal of a career that kept me interested and fulfilled. It wasn’t long before I realized that, if I worked hard enough and focused on what interested me, I could get good grades in university.

  At the time, this was a complete turnaround for me. In fact, in high school, I had such a low opinion of my academic potential that my dad had to practically write my term papers for me! Of course, once I moved away from home to university, getting help from my dad was no longer an option. This was in the pre-Internet era! Amazingly, as I found my passion for learning about the body, health, and psychology, I surprised everyone around me, including myself. I got even better grades on my university papers than I did on the high school papers my dad (who is a great writer, by the way) practically wrote for me! This blew me away.