Achieve Read online

  It was at this point in my life that it really hit me. I realized I could do almost anything I put my mind to, if I wanted it badly enough. Combining my interests, love of learning, drive to improve, and the lessons and strategies I learned through sports, psychology, and self-help books, I completed two undergraduate degrees and won an award for the highest GPA of all psychology majors. I was eventually accepted into a graduate clinical psychology program. My friends and family were just as surprised as I was by this reversal.

  This course of events taught me to never underestimate myself or others. We all have much more potential than we believe. This is not to say that I breezed through life after that point. But through the challenges I faced, I learned that things that seem scary or impossible have to be faced head-on. I also learned that it’s OK to have self-doubts, as long as we use them to keep us humble and help us move toward our goals and values. These lessons propelled me through my master’s and Ph.D. degree programs. They also propelled me through my various clinical internships, residency, and post-doctoral clinical training.

  I knew I wanted to study and work with others who, like me, wanted to maximize their potential. But I also knew that to fully understand people, I had to work with people of all types.

  Despite self-doubt and fear of the unknown, I repeatedly sought to work with the most challenging patient populations. Through my training and work as a licensed clinical, forensic, and neuropsychologist, I assessed and treated a broad spectrum of people, including those with anxiety, depression, personality disorders, dementias like Alzheimer’s disease, brain injuries (from sports concussion to severe traumatic brain injuries), and problems with the law (offenders of all types).

  To be able to help people reach their potential, I believed I needed to thoroughly understand and help people of all types, including those who were at their lowest points and those who were not living up to their potential.

  This long process of graduate school and clinical training pulled me away from my original goal of studying and working with those who wanted to take their lives to the highest level. It took some time, and the implementation of many of the strategies outlined in this book, to get me back on track toward helping athletes and other individuals performing at the highest levels continuously improve and achieve their potential.

  After a combination of 13 years of clinical training and university study, I eventually came full circle. I now work with high achievers of various types. Many of my clients are elite athletes, whether they be professionals, Olympians, or up-and-coming athletes with significant potential.

  I also work with other high achievers such as professionals, entrepreneurs, executives, academics, and writers. To help illustrate some of the power of the techniques and strategies that I will teach you in this book series, I will use many of my clients as examples, with their identities and certain facts changed to preserve their anonymity.

  The fact that you are reading this book means we likely have a lot in common. We have the drive to take our game and lives to the next level. We want to make sure we’re focused on the right strategies and techniques and are not wasting our time. If this is you, then you’re in the right place.

  I want to re-emphasize something I know I keep repeating. One thing I’ve learned from my own personal experience, my studies, and my work with others is that we often have much more potential than we or others believe. We also have much more control over our life trajectories than we appreciate. The first step in reaching your potential is to know yourself, your personality, values, strengths, weaknesses, and passions! Without this knowledge, you will never reach your true potential.

  We need to know what turns us on and what turns us off. We need to know our personalities, our strengths, and our weaknesses. We need to figure out what we truly value in life and establish our long-term goals. Then we must work hard. Let’s not kid ourselves. You don’t achieve big goals by sitting around dreaming about them, or by just thinking positive thoughts. Glory doesn’t come from easy victories. It comes from achieving ambitious goals that were difficult to attain.

  Think about which scenario will lead to a sweeter victory:

  Having to barely train or face a significant challenge in order to win an Olympic gold medal.

  OR

  Working your butt off in training and then going to war against the most challenging competitors the world has to offer and coming out on top.

  Or what about this:

  Making partner at your firm after six months on the job due to your good looks, who your previous employer was, or who your father was.

  OR

  Starting from the bottom, working your tail off for three years, and then making partner based on your blood, sweat, and tears.

  You know the answer.

  When I first came up with the idea of writing this book series, I wanted some form of a written manual or handbook for my high-achieving clients. I then realized such information might have wider appeal. And I thought I might be able to improve on some of the books out there.

  I’ve read hundreds of psychology and self-help books. Some of these I love (e.g., Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). Others, not so much.

  I wanted to write a book that had the elements I liked — e.g., action steps — without the ones I didn’t like — 300+ pages, endless description of research studies, few real-world examples, and a lack of information about the author’s experience with the methods they were recommending.

  The Promise of This Book

  Of course, this book is not about me; it’s about you. So you may be asking, what the heck am I going to get out of reading this book series? My goal is to provide you with a series of go-to manuals on the exact steps you can take to help bring you one step closer to unleashing your potential. I want you to leverage the science of sport/performance psychology, executive coaching, and cognitive neuroscience to maximize both your personal and professional potential.

  What I don’t want to do is bore you with endless details. My goal is to give you just enough information so you understand the What and Why behind each strategy so you can start using them to change your life for the better.

  Each of the strategies I will outline has scientific backing. I’ve also used them in my own life. You see, I know how powerful scientific research is, and I use this as my starting point. As I mentioned earlier, for me to truly believe in a strategy, technique or hack, I have to try it out on myself first before I can really buy into it.

  Most importantly, I use them with my high-achieving clients, whether they be professional athletes, students, or entrepreneurs. When science, my experience, and my high-achieving clients get great results, then I add the strategies to my toolkit. The strategies in this book and others in this series have not only turned my life around —they’ve changed the lives of the high achievers I’ve worked with.

  I promise that, if you implement only a few of these steps and strategies, your performance will improve and you will be that much closer to reaching your goals. If you implement most of the steps and strategies, you will drastically improve your performance beyond what you may have thought was your potential. You can rest assured that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing to ensure your success.

  So the question becomes: Do you want to live with regrets because you didn’t do all you could to achieve your dreams and goals, or do you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror each day and feel confident that you are doing everything in your power to reach your goals?

  If your answer is the latter, then you’re in the right place. The strategies and techniques you are about to learn will take your game to the next level. You are about to learn how to unleash your potential and find out who you are, what you really want, and how to make it happen. I want to say congratulations for taking this first step.

  Are you ready to take your life to the next level? If so, let’s do this!

  BONUS MATERIAL:

  Visit friesenperformance.com/a
chieve-free-gift to download the ACHIEVE Framework.

  STEP 1

  KNOW YOURSELF

  Chapter 1

  Taking Stock of Who You Are

  The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

  ― Lao Tzu

  Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.

  ― Thomas Carlyle

  Britain’s Danny Williams is no ordinary boxer. Unless you’re a hard-core boxing fan, you’ve probably never heard of him. Although he fought and beat an “old” Mike Tyson in 2005 and even challenged reigning WBC champ Vitali Klitschko, that’s not why I’m bringing him up. What is remarkable about Williams is his heart.

  This was remarkably displayed early in his 20-year boxing career when he faced off against another Brit named Mark Potter in 2000. To call this fight dramatic would be an understatement. By all accounts, the fight was supposed to be fairly even. But in Round 1 Williams was knocked down by Potter. Then in the 3rd round, Williams suffered one of the most painful and dreaded injuries when his right shoulder dislocated. He couldn’t move his arm.

  Most mere mortals would have called the fight and given up, assuming we had an almost zero chance of winning a match that required above all else the use of our arms.

  At the end of the third round, one of Williams’ cornermen tried to push his shoulder back into its socket. Seeing this, the fight’s promoter, Frank Warren, begged Williams to stop the fight. To the shock of the packed crowd in the Wembley Conference Centre, he refused.

  Amazingly, with only one arm properly functioning, Williams fought through the next two rounds, even though Potter tried to take advantage by repeatedly punching Williams’ damaged arm and shoulder. The referee did nothing.

  As the sixth round began, Williams looked like he was recovering somewhat. He was able to bend his arm in an attempt to protect his chin from Potter’s relentless attacks. But this lasted only about 15 seconds before his shoulder dislocated once again.

  Everyone knew it was only a matter of time before either the referee stopped the fight or Williams succumbed to Potter’s blows. But the crowd couldn’t help but feel a sense of awe at what they were witnessing. How was this guy doing it? How could he withstand the pain? Didn’t he know he was finished? Why didn’t the bloody ref stop the fight?

  “They have to call the fight!” the color commentator kept repeating. “He’s going to get knocked out! … He’s in a no-win situation!”

  Despite the pain and the odds, Williams was not about to give up his Commonwealth title or cede the vacant British title. No way. He had trained too hard and too long for this. He believed in himself even when nobody else did. He normally fought orthodox — or right-handed — he kept fighting just like he always had, but now only using his left arm.

  What happened next is the stuff of legends. Even Stallone couldn’t have written a more dramatic ending. Williams kept pushing forward, catching Potter with a perfect left uppercut that sent him to the canvas semi-conscious.

  Potter rose to his feet before the 10-second limit. Williams attacked again with his one and only weapon — his left arm. He swung once and missed. He swung again — and connected! Potter staggered, and fell to one knee. He again made it to his feet before the limit, but the momentum was no longer in his favor. Once the referee signaled the fighters to engage once more, Williams charged Potter again with nothing but his one arm and his unbreakable spirit.

  Williams connected, and Potter crumpled. The referee was having no more of it. Against all the odds, Williams triumphed! The color commentator could barely comprehend what he had witnessed. Even Britain’s own ultimate tough guy chef and star of Hell’s Kitchen, Gordon Ramsey, can be seen ringside standing and staring in disbelief.

  After the fight, Williams said simply: “I would never quit!”

  What is it that Williams tapped into to keep moving forward despite the pain and odds? Was he stupid? No. Does he have something most of us lack? No.

  He showed heart and an unstoppable spirit because he had an overarching goal, a mission, a purpose that was bigger than the pain. Bigger than the fear of getting knocked out. Bigger than the fear of permanent injury.

  In battling the odds to become the British and Commonwealth Heavyweight Champion, Williams demonstrated a number of the primary differentiators between those of us who are successful in sport, business, and life, and those of us who aren’t. These differentiators are learnable. So what are they?

  The Seeds of Success

  Successful people know themselves well; they grasp their strengths and weaknesses and then live their lives based on their deepest values, mission, purpose, and goals, and not based on their immediate urges, moods, or circumstances. Nietzsche said it best, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

  Successful people know that they have much more control over the trajectory of their lives than most people realize. They know and accept that they will repeatedly go through rough waters. They know that’s how the world works and don’t fight or complain about it. They also know that if they keep pushing forward, they will eventually reach their destination.

  They also know that even though they are steering their ship, they can only control what has been given to them. They accept themselves for who they are and work with or around what they are given. They know they can’t control what the world throws in their path, but they can control how they react to this. They know that they can anticipate and act before the world acts upon them.

  They also know that once they get to their destination, there will be another destination they would like to visit on the other side of the horizon and that the cycle will continue. Because of this, they accept and enjoy the struggle, as they know that the journey is the destination.

  So what does this mean for you? This means that you need to accept and live your life like successful people. So you should:

  Know and accept your strengths and weaknesses, and work with or around what you are given.

  Live your life based on your deepest values, mission, purpose, and goals, and not based on your immediate urges, moods, or circumstances.

  Realize you have more potential than you already believe.

  Realize that you have much more control over the trajectory of your life than you already believe.

  Accept that you will repeatedly go through difficulties. Don’t fight or complain about it. Instead learn and grow from it.

  Know that you can anticipate and act before the world acts upon you.

  Know that if you keep pushing forward, you can eventually reach your destination.

  Know that you can’t control what the world throws at you, but you can control how you react to this.

  Know that once you achieve your goal, there will be another goal you will want to achieve.

  Know that the journey is the destination. Accept and enjoy the struggle and triumphs.

  Realize that whatever path you choose, it’s going to be hard and painful at times. You need to be ready for this and accept it as worthwhile if you are to live the life you really want.

  Know Your Destination

  If I’m to help you become truly successful, we need to make sure you know yourself and where you really want to go. In other words, you need to know your WHAT and your WHY. There’s nothing worse than relentlessly pursuing a goal, and then coming to realize it was not the right goal for you. This has become all too apparent with many high achievers I’ve worked with.

  I once worked with a young and highly talented basketball player named Leroy. Leroy rocketed up the ranks and was playing for one of the top college basketball teams. But his performance was progressively worsening. At first, everyone thought he was struggling to adjust to the faster pace of college play and the combination of academic, social, and athletic demands placed on college basketball players. But when his performance continued to slide in his se
cond season, his coach insisted he see a sport psychologist.

  After we worked together for a few weeks, it became apparent that Leroy struggled even to motivate himself to apply the strategies we discussed in the sessions. He admitted he hated being in the spotlight and all of the buzz around basketball. He told me that he often felt annoyed and overwhelmed by all the noise and chatter in the locker room and on the court. He didn’t feel anxious; he felt overstimulated, which is common for those who share his basic personality tendency, which I will discuss later in this book.

  Leroy told me that, ever since he was a young kid, he was taller than his peers and basketball came easily to him. As a teenager, people started to give him more respect and attention because of his basketball talents. Prior to this, he felt that nobody thought much of him or his future. Suddenly, his family started to talk about how he was the one child that would “make it.” Like any kid, he was encouraged by this attention to continue to pursue basketball.

  But through our discussions, I noticed he never spoke about having a strong passion for the game. Instead, he talked about feeling obligated to his family, friends, and coaches to not let them down. He noticed how his family would often joke about the expensive things that he could buy them once he made it to the NBA. This also served to motivate him to continue with basketball.

  As we got to know each other, I asked him about his passion for the game. He gave me flat responses. I asked him if his dream was to play in the NBA. Surprisingly, Leroy said that nobody had ever asked him that, and that he was unsure. I asked what he would do with his life, if money were no object. He was unsure.